Feel so depressed & miserable :(

[dalhousie]

Having a bad day, probably more psychologically than pain-wise but the pain just drags you down. Just can't stop crying . I've been living largely in my bedroom for a year coping with muscle inflammation & spasm unable to get active. Don't go anywhere or do anything apart from short walks & go to a weekly pilates class where I do some of the exercises. Feel so wretched. Don't eat much as I have no appetite & feel sick, don't sleep much etc etc.

I'm waiting (which I'm finding hard) to hear about the results of a recent MRI & the possibility of having RFA's but my specialist seemed hesitant about doing them at the level of my ADR - he said it was tricky but I don't know why. Had such a lot of spine disability since I've been 32. Had a few short months of normality after my fusion op when I was 41 & then I started with problems again & went on to have an ADR. I know I'm having a pity party but just haven't been able to do anything with my life. There are lots of people out there all in the same boat but just not coping today.

[ajj1001]

it's ok not to cope. wish there was something i could do to make it easier. is there anything that you can treat yourself to or look forward to? a posh bubble bath or visiting a nice local shop. sometimes it's the small things that help us keep going through these rough times. virtual hugs, sorry it can't be a real one. x

[trkdoc714]

Ruth,

No apologies needed. All of us have struggled through similar feelings. Being in pain and relying on medication instead of an immediate solution is frustrating to say the least. For me, that marked the lowest point of my life (when it should have been the highest). We decided to have Sean 4 months before my disc failed. My work suffered, I didn't feel like a good husband or father. I really felt like a failure.

The friends that understood what I was going through and helped me through it all were the grounding that kept me looking forward toward a painfree existence. Most of those friends were made without a meeting, a phone call or even an email. They were accumulated by visiting other forums until an idea grew into the reality of SPS. Now we're all here, ready to support each other when in need and you are most definitely one of those friends.

I wish I could help you with a solution but all I can offer is a prayer and support for you.

I hope you find relief soon.

Bob

[Katie]

Oh Ruth, I was in the same boat for so many years, and really empathize with your situation.

Feel so wretched. Don't eat much as I have no appetite & feel sick, don't sleep much etc etc.

I am very concerned about this part, as I went through this as well. Mine turned out to be food sensitivities, and they are still growing, but at least I'm able to cope better by restricting my diet.

I felt like I was experiencing the worst hangover/left-over flu symptoms ever, and it lasted for months, getting worse instead of better. I figured out through an elimination diet that I was very reactive to all grains, including wheat, rice, corn, etc. and all the derivatives of them. Every food with corn syrup or flour for example, including soda pop would set me off. Even shampoo has wheat byproducts in it, so I have to read the label from everything. I don't have the classic Ciliac symptoms, but instead have aching joints, foggy brain, bloating overall, but not many digestive problems.

The list grew to include nightshade plants like potatoes and tomatoes....while most people think my diet is very limited, I find that eating out is the only thing that gives me grief. Good old fashioned food with no additives work best. By the time I had a proper Ciliac test, it came back inconclusive because I had been off the offending food for so long. I don't care if I have the label, I just know what makes me feel better.

I don't know if this applies to you, but getting off all those foods made a huge difference in how I felt. If you'd like to chat more about what I've found, just drop a note...I really wish I could help more...living like that is no fun, to put it mildly.

[dalhousie]

Oh Ruth,
I don't know if this applies to you, but getting off all those foods made a huge difference in how I felt. If you'd like to chat more about what I've found, just drop a note...I really wish I could help more...living like that is no fun, to put it mildly.

It's the pain that makes me feel very nauseous & have no appetite. If it's really bad I have diarrhoea & rush to the toilet in the morning. When pain levels are lower I can eat better & my GIT tract is a lot more settled. I do have IBS which the increased pain levels seem to make worse. My body just doesn't seem to be able to cope with it. I had sores round my mouth last November due to a vitamin deficiency so now I take a multivitamin 'till I get this muscle/pain problem sorted out & am eating better.

With my 1st disc problem (I didn't have IBS then) my diet was appalling & got to the underweight stage. When I started having RFA's the first thing I did when I got home was dive into the fridge - my pain levels were down & my appetite instantly returned. I'm really hoping RFA's give me good relief with this problem if my MRI scan shows nothing else untoward.

Ruth,

No apologies needed. All of us have struggled through similar feelings. Being in pain and relying on medication instead of an immediate solution is frustrating to say the least. For me, that marked the lowest point of my life (when it should have been the highest). We decided to have Sean 4 months before my disc failed. My work suffered, I didn't feel like a good husband or father. I really felt like a failure.

The friends that understood what I was going through and helped me through it all were the grounding that kept me looking forward toward a painfree existence. Most of those friends were made without a meeting, a phone call or even an email. They were accumulated by visiting other forums until an idea grew into the reality of SPS. Now we're all here, ready to support each other when in need and you are most definitely one of those friends.

I wish I could help you with a solution but all I can offer is a prayer and support for you.

I hope you find relief soon.

Bob

Thanks to Alison & Bob for your friendship. My life seems to have gone so pear-shaped the last 15 years & I've never got back on track because I had so little time between recovering from my fusion before going on to have ADR. I don't have an "other half" or children & have lost touch with a lot of friends due to the social isolation spine problems lead to. I moved house during these 15 years to stay with my mom which was meant as a temporary measure 'till I got back on my feet but it's been such a rollercoaster ride during that time. I hope the ride soon ends & I can start to get back on the right track.

xx

[dalhousie]

P.S. Bob - how are you doing & what are your current pain levels like? You sound to have a very positive attitude.

[trkdoc714]

Ruth,

My lumbar pain level is 0 except after extreme exertion. I think the muscular activity irritates the previously damaged nerves but relaxing for a half hour or so eliminates the discomfort.

I've been able to return to all of my previous activities (with common sense exceptions).

Keep your chin up!

Bob

[Katie]

I'm sorry Ruth. To have the complications of IBS just adds insult to injury for you. It is painful enough on its own. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low and don't have the 'hands on' support system that could help more. I thew out that suggestion because it was someone else's post that helped me.

Bob's comment about our online family here is spot on. While my husband did all he could to help, it was everyone here who really provided the meat and bones to get me through the toughest days. Only someone who was going through this misery could really get it. Without the support here, I don't know where I would be today.

just haven't been able to do anything with my life

This feeling can be overwhelming and I remember it so well. But many of us have been able to get at least part of our lives back and be happy again, and I'm praying that you can soon say the same too. Pity parties are part of the journey...they will make your upcoming good days seem that much better. Hugs to you.

[Cindylou]

Katie is right on. Pity parties are part of the journey. I'm sorry too Ruth that you have been in such a rough patch. I will be eager to hear what the doctor says regarding this latest MRI. We are here for you as much as we can be. Even being able to acknowledge how crummy you've been feeling is a huge part of the battle. It helps just to get it off your chest by sharing it with us. Here are some virtual hugs from me too. (((((())))))) We love you. CL

[KBear]

Ruth, I'm sorry you are feeling so down. Everyone needs a pity party every now and then, we can't put on our happy face all the time. I wish there was a one size fits all cure for everyone suffering. It's awful to feel that way and is depressing. Remember tomorrow is a new day. I'll be praying for you.