having a bad day

[KBear]

Hey all, hate to be 'Debbie Downer'; but I'm having a bad day and need some cheering up. It started with me waking up late, so I wasn't able to take my kids to my best friend's daughter's birthday party. She is mad at me for missing it and is not being very understanding of my situation.

I woke up with my left arm numb from the elbow down. It is painful and tingling and is still numb 10 hours later. I had a cervical MRI last year that showed nothing and my nerve testing 3 years ago showed pre-carpal tunnel. My dr's think that when I was in my wrecks that I gripped the steering wheel hard on impact and it hyper extended my wrists. The numbness and pain is usually well controlled with Lyrica, with minor flare ups (but these usually go away within minutes of putting the arm braces on... not working today.)

My husband is up my a$$ saying that "you just need to exercise, walk, work out, work through the pain." He is also mad at me for being on the computer, about dieting (I gained 20lbs after surgery and haVe lost 10lbs in the last month), saying "you need to quit drinking Dr Pepper (which I have cut down to 1 a day) and quit eating sweets (which I have quit eating, except for a rare occasion)" He is really pissing me off.

I'm just feeling like they would be better off without me... feel like the world hates me. I also found out that I need $700 out of pocket for my facet injections, that I don't have.... don't even have a credit card to put it on. This is my 25% of the contracted rate. The economy has hurt my hubbys buisness and we are struggling financially pretty bad. I am just soo sick of fighting the fight....

[Katie]

Oh Kathy, please hang on and get through till tomorrow, and the day after that. That's what I'm doing right now too. Lots of pain after a week of feeling better each day. I started going downhill yesterday and am in full crap mood today, so I hear you. Wonder if there is something in the air?

Your hubby is probably letting things fly at you because he is stressed about business too, but they just don't know how to direct that anger and frustration properly. Not that I haven't been guilty of that myself, but have been on the other end of it from hubby as well.

Can you increase your Lyrica until this flare up passes? Would that help you cope?

And if you spend less time here, I may have to go explain to your husband just how important this 'family' is, especially when the others in our life don't get it. I think it is awesome that you are able to lose all that weight, especially while on Lyrica, which is infamous for putting weight on patients.

Hang in there kiddo. Explain to your friend that there will be another party next year, or maybe invite her daughter over for a little belated party when you are feeling better. Better late than never

[ajj1001]

I'm just feeling like they would be better off without me... feel like the world hates me.

Kathy, someone in England needs you. It has been great getting to know you. You are doing the best you can, money is only money and not important at all, you are. Hang in there.

[Justin]

Hey Kathy,

I'm sorry you have so much on your plate. First and foremost, I want to thank you for your contributions to the SPS Forum. You have demonstrated continuing support for SPS Members, even though you have been struggling with your own pain/adhesions/etc. post-op.

Congratulations on the weight loss! It is very difficult to lose weight when you are recovering from any spine surgery. This is a HUGE accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself.

Your extended family here needs you. Thanks for all you do, and don't hesitate to contact me if you want to talk.

[daveinaustin]

Kathy,

We're all behind you!!! <-- equals "cheer up, friend!!!"

There are good, bad, and terrible days. It's terrible when there's the "perfect storm" of friendship, family, money, self-esteem, and pain issues all hitting you at the same time. You must have had many tears as you were writing your message.

Just remember, there will be better days coming up soon. Your husband loves you. Your family loves you very much. Your friends love you. And, you have a whole community of spiney's behind you.

Just remember, though. Guys are dumb. Me included. We say all sorts of hurtful things that we shouldn't to those we love. Why do we do it? Because we're dumb guys!!! It took many years for me to realize some of the stupid things I've said to my wife affected her for a long time. Things that I felt were trivial. Most of us guys don't have the same perspective on things, and don't realize how some words have such damaging effects. Honestly, it took me to start my 40s to start understanding this.

It's good that you brought up the "Debbie Downer" moment. Nobody understands the pain we spineys go through. It's hard not to take it so personally, but the "regulars" just don't get it. Just thank God for Justin's forum which allows us to share these moments, so we can help each other.

As hard as it is, please don't let a bunch of short-term challenges affect your long-term view (much easier said than done). Also, it's ok to have a few bad days. They make the better days seem all the better.

Go drink a Dr. Pepper.

-Dave

[rhatzy]

Speaking of weight loss, during my long 6 month, opiate diet, recovery, I lost 30 pounds going from 190 to 160. I was a little concerned as my muscles seemed to wasting away. When the pain and opiates went away, I promptly gained the wight back. Oh well, I'd rather have the weight than the pain.

Mark

[dalhousie]

As a fellow spiney I appreciate how you feel . I don't bother mentioning about spine issues to anybody around me anymore as they seem to live on another planet as far as spine problems are concerned. Everybody on here understands though . I try not to take to heart the poor attitudes of family/friends as they just don't seem to have a clue. It's easier said than done though. One day you'll be recovered, it may be a long time coming but it WILL come albeit gradually. I'm struggling a bit myself at the mo so your feelings are so heartfelt.

You're recovering from a major op & need to take care of yourself, concentrate on rehab & look after yourself. Do whatever you need to do to stay sane through this emotional time. Rehab seems endless but one day recovery will be complete . I say this as when I was fused a few years ago I really didn't think I was going to get there but I did in the end but boy did I have to be patient.

BTW well done on the weight loss - keep up your good work.

Take care. Hope you have an easier time of it this coming week!

[KBear]

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling better today. Yesterday it just seemed the world was crumbling around me, very frustrating and depressing. My friend came over last night and apologized. Hubby still hasn't realized he did anything wrong and I'm not going to bring it up, as I don't have it in me to fight with him. I'm gonna call the dr tomorrow and see if we can do the injections in office to save money. Thanks for all the encouragement, Kathy

[daveinaustin]

Glad you're feeling a little better today!

Just remember the "dumb guy" thing. If he doesn't think he said anything wrong, you won't convince him otherwise. However, we all know the truth!

Trust me, my wife and you could go on for hours about us clueless guys.


-Dave

[Dave]

Kathy,

Glad your feeling better.