Very lousy job I have to do today.

[Cindylou]

Well, I feel like crap. Very sad. But mostly extremely disappointed and angry, for sure. I have asked my lovely cleaning lady of almost 5 years to come to my house today, to raise my suspicions to her that her 21 one year old daughter (who began to clean with her at my home 2 years ago) may be stealing alot of my clothes, a few leather belts, sweaters, and even my jeans. I just now went thru my jewelry drawer as well, and I am also missing a few quite expensive pieces (worth thousands), but mostly missing fun, costume jewelry. (I locked my jewelry up during the Open Houses.) Prepared for the worst. A sad day indeed. I love this lady, and even though I have no reason to believe she was in on it or even knew/knows what her daughter may have been doing, she will likely take great offense at any suggestion of this kind. Can't blame her. But I have to do this as a start, because frankly, no one else has access to my closet, dresser drawers, or jewelry box on a weekly basis other than them. Would just as soon crawl in a dark hole today and pretend none of this has happened.

[Graysonlaw]

Oh my gosh, this is horrible! I am glad, though, that you are going the direct route, not taking the typical Minnesota passive-aggressive approach.

[dalhousie]

Good luck CL. I hate confrontation myself but this has to be faced up to as you cannot carry on like this. Hope it can be sorted out in a civilised manner & you get back what is rightfully yours.

[Dave]

CL,

Be firm on this. If you had your jewelry cataloged, show her what is missing. I would give them a chance to return it without the involvement of the proper authorities, but stress that this is a viable option.

Good luck on this hard situation.

[KBear]

CL- I am so sorry you have this on your plate too. I can't imagine having someone you trust in your home and then having this happen. It is a good thing that you had your jewelry box locked during showings and open houses, because at least that rules out Realtors and clients. I have a feeling that will be the first thing they say, is that with the house for sale someone may have taken it. Maybe that is why all of the sudden you are noticing so much stuff gone, maybe the daughter thought that would be a good opportunity to take stuff and then blame someone else if caught.
I also suggest what Dave said, that you either get it back or you will report it to the police. I am also very passive and not confrontational; but I think in this case it is definitely best to go to them first and give them a chance to make it right. Good Luck.

[Katie]

OH, that gives me a lump in my stomach and it isn't even my home or possessions What a terrible situation to be in and to have to probably lose a good relationship over it. And if the mom doesn't know anything about it, what a horrid position to put her in. Just bad, all way round.

Good luck with this. I'm sure you will handle it well though.

[Cindylou]

Well, don't know what to think now. My cleaning lady did stay for two hours as we discussed it, and I was scrutinious watching her body language the whole time. I could tell from her response that whether her daughter (21) is the culprit or not, my cleaning lady seemed completely in the dark. She wasn't angry, but more sad and disappointed of my suspicions. I told her I didn't blame her, and would feel the same way if someone suspected something similar of one of my boys. I told her I was looking at access, and no one has access to my closet and clothes like she does. She held back tears, saying, her daughter doesn't go anywhere, doesn't have a driver's license (which is true), is always with her. I offered that she wasn't with her right now, and she said no, she was home. There was alot of similar discussion, and by the end I asked her if she would just please check her daughter's closet and drawers to appease me, and at this time her daughter was not allowed back to clean until I have this resolved completely. I never mentioned any jewelry because before she got there I hunted more upstairs and found the missing jewels in a different jewelry box. Now, I never use that jewelry box, so there is the possibility they were "borrowed" and replaced, and accidently put in the wrong box. In any event, I will hopefully get to the bottom of it...if not her, we may have to install some hidden cameras around the house. I'm emotionally spent. Oh, I also mentioned to her, that I did not want to press charges, but I would, if necessary. And told her I had already talked to the police, which is true. So we'll see. I know she thinks she knows her daughter well, but, any of you who have raised teenagers already know, you usually have one kiddo in the bunch that will surprise the hell out of you. So I wait and see.

[Katie]

"but, any of you who have raised teenagers already know, you usually have one kiddo in the bunch that will surprise the hell out of you."

Cindylou, boy you hit the nail on the head with that one.How many have defended their children in good faith, only to learn later that they weren't getting the whole truth....I hope this is resolved quickly, and I want to commend you on handling it so well. You made sure that the mother could leave with dignity, but well aware that if her family was involved, that it would not be taken lightly.Wonderful job.You should have a job in human resources

[KBear]

As Katie said, you did handle this very well.

As far as kids surprising you, I was definitely that kid. I was an honor student, worked my rear off, I was quiet, the 'good one' and was very obedient... until I became a teen. Behind their backs was a whole 'nother story! I am surprised I survived my teens.

I definitely don't just blindly trust my children and do not think they are perect by any means; but also try not to 'throw them under the bus'. My best friends daughter, who is 6 like mine, has repeatedly lied to me and her over stuff with my daughter. It would be where one said one thing and the other said something else, where one of them was lying. On at least 5 or 6 occassions after this little girl swearing up and down on her story, that she wasn't lying, on one ocassion I even punished my daughter for the offense and then we later found out that her daughter was lying and mine had told the truth, on every ocassion. On every ocassion after that, where it was ones word of the other, my friend and I explained that we were trusting my daughter, not because she was mine; but because she had earned our trust and the other had not. Not to say mine doesn't or wouldn't lie; but at this point she is pretty honest. I will ask her, "Why is Ava crying?" and she will reply, "I hit her over the head with a book." I have drilled in their heads that lying will get you in more trouble than telling the truth and will always say, if you tell the truth the punishment is this; but if I find out you are lying it is this and this.

Just the other day, my older one told me the younger one hit her and I asked her if that was true, she swore she didn't hit. I kept asking both of them and they both stuck to their story. I told both of them that if and when I found out which one was lying, they were in big trouble, as I don't put up with lying. The next day we were in the car and in the rearview mirror I saw the younger one hit the older one. They didn't know I saw this and the older immediately told and the younger denied it. I talked about lying and she kept denying it. I then told her I saw her hit her sister and that she was lying. She admitted it and then I asked her if she lied to me the night before and she admitted she did. I then followed through and punished her for both and explained that her punishment would have been less if she had not lied.

On a funnier note, having kids makes me realize why I always got caught as a kid. They think they are so sneaky; but they are not. Mine will say stuff like, 'mommy-don't look' or 'close the door mommy' or I hear them 'plotting.' It is hilarious, how obvious they are.