New Member, looking for advice (May 2010 having 2 level spinal fusion on L4-5 and L5-S1)

[Rebecca]

Hi I am so happy to have found this sight. I have had a bad back (lumbar) for a long time now and over the last few years it has increasingly gotten worse. I used to deal with pain and it was not “who I was”. I always thought I could really push through it and do mind over matter but lately the pain is really getting to me. My mind over matter is not working anymore and it drives me nuts. I don’t want the pain to be who I am. I am sick of my self saying my back really hurts and I am sick of it really hurting!
I have two young children ages 1 and 2. My Doctors want to do a spinal fusion on my lower back in spring and I worry how this will effect my children. As they are at a very needy age. There is lots of lifting, bending and constant movement when you are a parent to young children. My family says they will rally together and help me over the twelve week recovery, but what about after that. Will the fusion be successful if I return to all the needed lifting, bending and such. Or should I wait until the kids are older??? Can I wait??? Somedays I think i could others are pure torture to get through. But the Docs said 80% chance of feeling 50% (or more) better after the surgery. And that he thinks he could get me a good 20 years before I would possibly be back for more. Not such great numbers if you ask me. I wish he would say I will fix this for you. Then I would be in the surgery right now. Any help, suggestions welcomed! And thanks for being here.

[Justin]

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome to the Spine Patient Society!

I'm sorry that you are looking at a lumbar spine surgery soon. I have a couple questions for you:

• How many levels do your surgeons want to fuse?
• How is your current pain?
• What kind of conservative therapy have you pursued (medications, weight loss, physical therapy, etc.)?

At the very least, I would get another surgical opinion. Maybe some other SPS Members with young children & spine issues can chime in.

[Rebecca]

I did did get more than one opinion. I was really hoping to get a different opinion than the others but they are the same. Two level fusion (L4-5 and L5-S1) Pain is bad in general life hurts but I am able to push myself, my kids need me too. Bone on bone they say (and you can see on xrays, MRI)
I have done a lot PT, Chiropractor, massage, Narcotics, steroids, epidural shots, maintain a healthy weight,
vitamins, exercise, there is more ...

[ajj1001]

Hi Rebecca, welcome to the forum.

Sorry that you have to be here. You are facing a big surgery and are right in wondering how you will be able to do things with such young children. Would things be easier if you put off surgery until your youngest is walking reliably? You would then be able to use steps etc to get them to get into cots, to sinks, baths etc.
I had restrictions of what I could lift post fusion and no bending or twisting. It is very limiting.

[Dave]

Hi Rebecca,

Welcome to SPS. Sad that you are here, but happy you found us.

Where are you from? There might be more "knowledgeable" surgeons in your area. Check out the "Domestic and international travel for spine treatment" thread at the bottom of the main forum page. It is loaded with fine surgeons world wide.

Good luck and we are here to help.

[Cindylou]

Hi Rebecca, welcome to the forum as well...sorry too, you are here for such crummy reasons, but so glad you found us. :thumpup: It sounds like you have gone through alot of conservative measures, to no avail. Honestly, it is my humble opinion that only you will know when you are at the end of your rope, and cannot go on w/o some type of surgical intervention. That said, it is always helpful to pick the brains of others who have gone before you. Certainly, list the pros and cons out, that always helps me in final decision making. My thing was, when my back pain was all consuming, and I had more "really bad" days than good ones, and thinking, can I even go on living, I knew it was time. No one should have to live with chronic, debilitating back pain. It just blows the big one. My heart goes out to you.

I know your children are so young, but eventually you will be able to lift again....it is just a long recovery road for bone to heal from fusions, (I've had two) unfortunately. Are you in any position to hire some help, after you exhaust the help of family members? Even if your immediate response is "no," think long and hard about what you could give up, and how you could cut corners to make that happen. Keep asking the questions, and we are here for you!

[Rebecca]

Thank you all for the welcomes!
Cindylou,
Thank you for the advice. I am struggling with evaluating my pain. I am not sure if I am ready, while I am in pain everyday I am able to continue with daily routines. Although the pain is always in the forefront of my mind and becoming all consuming. I feel like it is taking over my relationships with my husband and family, like it is all I can talk about. But I want to be wrong because I don't want to put my family through all the recovery yet they are here on a daily basis helping lately because I am not able to do it all (which hurts more than my back sometimes). And no we cannot afford help, we can barely afford what we have and come close to losing it too often. You had the surgery? When my mom and sister go back to work in fall, after the 12 weeks, my husband will be home until 3pm everyday and then it is just me for a few hours before bedtime. Do you think that will be manageable? I hate the thought of not being able to fully provide for them even for the 12 weeks.

Dave,
I am from wisconsin. I will check out that thread about surgeons. My surgeons came highly recommended and have wonderful credentials. And treat me like a real person with a real problem unlike many doctors of my past.

aj10001,
I am trying to figure out if that would be easier. My daughter can do most things on her own and by fall my son may be able to do much more as he will be coming into his 2nd bday. I have to stop and really think about what I can change even now and even if I don't get the surgery to help with all the lifting and such. I think I will get some more step stools for them this weekend! Thanks for the idea. I have a few but now that I think of it there is other areas I could use them and reduce some of the lifting! You had the surgery? How long did it take you to be back to life? How much help did you need afterwards?

And to all,
My doctors both said I need to fix myself if I am worried about my children. Does any one think my pain would subside a bit once I am past the baby stage with my children, when they don't require so much lifting and such? And on the other hand sometimes I feel really bad because I may not be in the best mood according to my levels of pain. And sometimes I don't take them places I know they would love and should be doing out of fear from the pain. I took them outside to play in the snow the other day and could hardly get out of bed for 3days after. Ahh! Sorry it is just so much to sort out in my head.
Thanks again! And I wish you all the best and feel for you all!

[ajj1001]

I am trying to figure out if that would be easier. My daughter can do most things on her own and by fall my son may be able to do much more as he will be coming into his 2nd bday. I have to stop and really think about what I can change even now and even if I don't get the surgery to help with all the lifting and such. I think I will get some more step stools for them this weekend! Thanks for the idea. I have a few but now that I think of it there is other areas I could use them and reduce some of the lifting! You had the surgery? How long did it take you to be back to life? How much help did you need afterwards?

I had a fusion last may and i started lifting light things november/december 2009. Mine is slightly odd as it is over a pr.evious spine op (failed adr), so it is not fusing at one side at the moment. People do seem to take very different lengths of time to fuse completely.

One of my close friends had her second baby the same day as my op last year, I have been able to do very little of use with him . Though I have had him passed to me to cuddle. Its great now he is crawling as at least I can head him off if he is getting away. I could not look after him on my own even now. On the plus side his big sister is 2 and I can manage with her for an hour or two as she does not need lifting anywhere. In fact her buggy is great for walking with.

Trying to figure out easy ways of doing stuff will get them in the habit and then when you do have surgery it won't be a big change in routine.

alison x

[Cindylou]

Rebecca, you have some contradictions going on in your assessment of where you are at with your pain symptoms. On the one hand you say you are able to continue your daily routines, but a few sentences later you state ..."I don't want to put my family through all the recovery, yet they are here on a daily basis helping as I am not able to do it all." (I am assuming you are referring to your parents or some extended family coming over daily.) Clearly, you aren't able to perform your daily routine without outside help.

I am also hearing lots of guilt. We Moms are just loaded with it, eh? I would offer to you that in the long run you will be a better parent, with more patience, etc., if you can address your pain issues now. Chronic panic can equal a very short fuse. All of us have been there....done that. In my humble opinion, I would begin to address treatment options now. Remember, you have to take care of youin order to be able to take care of others. Just my two cents.

My very best to you as you sort this all out.

[Rebecca]

[QUOTE=Cindylou;10630]Rebecca, you have some contradictions going on in your assessment of where you are at with your pain symptoms.

I am also hearing lots of guilt. We Moms are just loaded with it, eh?

Cindylou,
Too true! I am full of contradictions and guilt. Perhaps I should slow down and read what I write and I might have a better idea of what to do! In fact I am going to do just that. I am going to start a p log of pain/how much help yada yada and then I can look back on it and make a desicion on the facts and hopefully guilt free. Probably not guilt free, like you said we moms are full of it ....but that is another website!