I HATE my doctor!!

[Mary.Mary]

OK GUYS!! I HATE MY DOCTOR!!

He is a PUTZ!! After I went in today and explained EVERYTHING to him with regards to my appt with the Surgeon and the fact that my pain is out of control and I need something stronger so that I can function enough to deal with my daughter. He looked at me like I had 2 heads!!

First- he tells me that I am asking for too much to even think about getting an appt with another surgeon for a second opinion and that I should be happy that I have a Surgeon who is willing to do surgery. He can't understand WHY I wouldn't just go with what the Surgeon said and have the surgery he suggested. Well, after I told him that I can't understand WHAT his problem is with just honouring my request to see another Surgeon is and that I will not stop asking until he does it, he finally caved in. He had an attitude about it, but did do it.

Second- this is when the FUN began. He was against giving me anymore pain meds than I already have and stated that IF he was to give me more I would become addicted and then that would cause a whole new world of problems, and that I should 'just learn to deal with it'. It was at about that point I snapped and in a sense went POSTAL!!

I screamed at him and said, I have a 14mth old daughter at home which on a GOOD day I can barely function which makes it EXTREMELY difficult to take care of her. I am ALONE with NO ONE to help me through those days and if he can't understand that then he NEEDS to change his profession and go fix cars!! This is CRAZY!! This is CRAZY how I have to come in here and BEG for you to send me for a 2nd opinion, it is CRAZY how I have to come in here and BEG for you to give me pain meds that will work and ALLOW me the ability to take care of my responsibilities!! (at that point I started to cry..) I told him that I am having a difficult time mentally with trying to raise Amiah by myself and having the pain I do and that when I come to the ONE and ONLY person who is suppose to understand and help me get through it all is turning his back on me!!

Well, needless to say, he did agree to increase my pain meds and gave me a medication to help the nerve pain, I can't remember the name of it and something to help the muscle spasms. Oh, and he gave me another medication to help with my 'depression' that he says I have???

I thought I would give you all an update and let you know what happened at my appt.

I hope it all makes sense and that it wasn't too wishy-washy. I tried to get it to make sense without it being TOO long....LOL!!

THANK YOU again to ALL OF YOU who have supported me through thick and thin, I AM TRULY GREATFUL!!

All the best,
Mary

[Gilbert P]

Hi Mary

I an sorry you have to deal with all of that crap.I think you did a good thing to tell your Dr,how you felt and received your meds
Most Dr egos are bigger than life and are the best in their fields.
Please tell us what meds he gave you for nerve pain and depression some times they are the same meds?

Hang in their

Gilbert P

[treefrog]

I hate your doctor too. Well, I hate that his inability to understand your situation led you to have to lose it with him. I guess he didn't see that you are depressed because of your pain, and the hoops you have to jump through just to get help that you deserve. And does he not see that if your pain were managed, you might not be depressed??

I hope that the meds he gave you for pain, and nerve pain help you enough that you can function. Unless you really think you need the med for depression, I don't know that I would take it just yet. Though I am pretty conservative when it comes to taking meds myself. I don't like taking new meds, and certainly don't like taking more than one new pill at a time. Just in case there are side effects, you wouldn't know which ones were causing it for sure.

And so when will you be able to get an appointment with another surgeon for a second opinion? I don't know how long it takes with the Candian system to get in, once you've gotten a referal. I hope it won't take too long.

[KBear]

Mary, Good for you for standing up for yourself! It took me alot of time and bad experiences to learn that I was the only one who would stand up for me. It is depressing being in pain day in and day out, then trying to raise children on top of it- damn near impossible. Doctors really don't seem to get that it is really hard, with just being in pain. Add a child to that, especially a little one, that needs you for every need they have, it is making yourself do it (even though you would rather lay down and die). When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I became a stay at home mom. My accident happened when she was 2 weeks old and my older child was 2 1/2. My husband owns his own buisness, so he returned to work within days of her birth, as if he doesn't work, no one works, thus no money for us. We didn't have the money to pay anyone to help me, so I had both of them all day alone. When hubby did get home, he was so tired from work that he wasn't much help (he did cook dinner); but bathing kids, feeding them, putting them to bed, etc. was all on me. This was an extremely difficult time in my life, physically and emotionally. I became very depressed, was in pain and had dr's that treated me like an addict everytime I complained of the pain. I can't imagine my husband not being around during this time, just for the emotional support. I am so sorry that you are going through this and pray that you get a quick second opinion and get to have surgery soon.
God Bless,
Kathy

[Katie]

Mary, way to go girl!!!!!

I am so proud of you! We really have to stand up for ourselves. I'm almost not sure that my husband isn't right too, that the men get treated better than we do in the same situations. We are thought of as being weak and unable to cope and we all know the real truth

Can you pm me with more details? I have an out of province doctor who should be able to help you. Several other past members of this board gave me his name, and he is the most promising one I've found, and who I will go with if my appeal to NYC doesn't work. I am just waiting for an appointment date in June now. And you only need a referral, not approval for this out of province doctor from OHIP.

He does both cervical and lumbar levels, which I found is almost impossible to get a doctor to do here in Ontario. Mary, what you are going to run into is that most GPs don't know which specialists to send you to, they just know they are neurosurgeons, orthopedic surgeons, etc., but each one is very specialized. And there are only sixteen doctors in Ontario who do ADR. That's it. I have the list of all of them if that's what you are hoping for. And yes, your doctor is an a$$, but at least he caved. Many wouldn't.

This might be easier to do over the phone if you like. Send me a pm and we'll work this out. You are at the beginning of a very big battle here, and I've got ammunition

[Cindylou]

Yes, I agree with the other folks. Good for you Mary, for being your own best advocate. I can't even list how many times I have had to lay into different doc's, for copping an attitude, not "getting" real pain issues, feeling desperately like they are not on my team, etc, etc. You, and only you, have to stand up for yourself. I don't think it helps when you start screaming, as this only feeds into their perception that you are "not well," and you're out of control. However, that said, sometimes that is all you've got left in you, out of desperation. I have certainly had my screaming bouts as well. I remember one particular incident where I ended up demanding a female cardiologist to the male cardiologist's face. When there wasn't such an animal, I told him if he would just let me finish my sentences, not cut me off, show me respect, maybe we could get somewhere. He said, "point taken." This was to be my first pulmonary embolism, and the cardiologist kept repeating that I did not have any of the risk factors, blah, blah, blah. But he finally ordered the Cat Scan of my chest, because of my complaints of shortness of breath, chest pain, etc., and there it was! I was immediately started on blood thinners. We know our bodies, and we know when something isn't right. And this particular incident happened down at Mayo in Rochester MN. A very reputable institution. The night before the ordered Cat Scan, I had another episode of shortness of breath. It was definitely the fight or flight thing. I could hardly breathe. My husband took me in a wheelchair across the street to the hospital at Mayo. When I tried to tell the nurse that I was ordered a Cat Scan tomorrow morning for a possible P.E., she scoffed, "now don't you think if the doctor thought you really had a P.E., you would already be admitted to the hospital?!" They sent us to the waiting room, and when my breathing got so short and I began to rip my blouse off to breathe, my husband screamed at them to see me next. They did, and sure enough, there was the pulmonary embolism. I could have died. Just unbelievable.
Long story, sorry, but you get the point. Never give up advocating for yourself. Ever. It's nobody elses body but yours.

Hang in there! We are here for you...

[Fuzzy]

Again, good for you for standing up to your Dr. (go fix cars, lol!). \\

I have had similar feelings with my general doc who told me such things like "we all get older, you are fine. your mri looks ok (he didn't even see it, went by a report) you don't need more med" when I was in there and could hardly walk. after several years he started to see the light and today he is supportive. You did the right thing in conveying your needs and how bad your pain is. Good for you on the second opinion. You know its very important.

[Justin]

Mary,

I am so sorry that you have so much on your plate. I'm not sure how you do it with Amiah. My hat is off to you. Sorry to hear about your doctor. Good luck in the future...I know this might not be a possibility since you are in Canada, but can you be referred to another doc?

Be persistent!

[Mary.Mary]

HEY!!

Well, the meds that I was given was Gabapentin?? I am assuming that is the 'nerve' one, then he increassed my Percocet to 2 every 4 hours as needed, then he gave me Venlafaxine for the depression ( I REALLY don't want to start taking that) can anyone give me some advice with regards to that? I know that you aren't 'doctors' so I am NOT asking for 'medical' advice, I am just asking for an opinion....I don't really feel like I am 'depressed' per say, I think that i am just dealing with ALOT and that with the right amount of pain meds i will be ok, I don't want to get all 'foggy' so i don't know where I am, I just want things to be a little bit easier, know what I mean? OH, I forgot to mention he gave me Baclofen for the spasms, I haven't started them yet, honestly I am kinda scared to be taking ALL of these drugs, especially when I am here by myself. I don't do well with taking pills, I gag like crazy when I have to swallow them, I KNOW CRAZY EH!! LOL!!

As for the 2nd opinion, WHO KNOWS how long it is going to take......it wasn't my dr who got me the appointment for my first opinion, it was the dr in the ER when I went in there in April. I have heard of people waiting MONTHS!! Like 6 to 8 months, so fingers crossed it won't take THAT long.

I was also wondering, IF I wanted to get an opinion from a dr in the U.S. what is the process? Do I need a referral? I am curious even for a Pain Management Dr etc....I only live about 15 minutes from the Border, so I am actually closer to the Border than I am to the City the Surgeon I saw is from, to see him in his office would be about a 1 1/2 hr drive.

Katie- Send me a PM with your information and I would LOVE to be able to talk with you about EVERYTHING!!

Thanks again to all of you!! I don't know if I should say this or not, but LOVE YA!!

Talk to you SOON!!

[KBear]

Mary,
In the US you just call the dr's office you want to visit and make and appointment. I haven't had to have a referral, at most, they may ask your history (so they know that you are in the right place). Once they hear your history, they should get you scheduled. Depending on the office, it could be an appointment as quick as a few days away or up to a month. Since you have Canadian coverage, I assume you would have to pay for the visit out of pocket (meaning pay the dr yourself & then you can decide to try and seek reimbursement from Canada, if possible). Some offices will even negotiate the cost for cash payers (those who don't have insurance), wouldn't hurt to ask. Hope this helps, Kathy