Feeling discouraged:-(

**krismmic** · 03-17-2011, 07:29 AM

Morning all. I am almost 5 months post op L5-S1 spinal fusion/laminectomy w/ instrumentation. Really feeling discouraged with recovery at this point. I went back to work in Jan, 3 months after surgery. I am an underwriter so I spend 8 hours a day at a desk. Sitting continues to be difficult, even with breaks to get up and move around. By about 1200 every day I start to ache and by the end of the day my lower back is tender to the touch and my legs and hips ache and I am usually trying to hold back tears by the time I drive home. I know the surgery has helped me in that I am now able to stand and walk without the terrible pain I had before surgery. But, this ongoing pain is really getting me down. I stopped all the narcotic pain medicine months ago, but continue to take Tramadol in the evening. I am also experiencing some left sided sciatica, which I actually didn't even have before surgery. I am tired of complaining about the pain and as nice as they have all been, I am sure my family is tired of hearing me complain about the pain. I've kind of gotten to the point where I can function in my day to day life, but all of that function is accompanied by this pain and aching and a lot of fatigue. Is it just too soon and am I just expecting too much? Will there still be improvement at this point? Working full time is not optional. So, what else can I do to make myself more comfortable during the day? How did all of you keep your spirits up during this period of time? As I'm sure is the case with many of your, I put up with chronic pain, never taking narcotic pain medicine, for many years before I had this surgery. My family would joke that I was the "queen of suck it up" because I would just grin and bear it and push through. I just feel like at this point I don't have any more "suck it up" left. Suggestions? Encouragement?

**ajj1001** · 03-17-2011, 09:18 AM

It is still really early days, go easy on yourself you are doing amazingly. What physio are you doing? How far on is your fusion? I would have been a screaming wreck if I had attempted anything like you are doing. Have you tried something simple like paracetamol during the day just to take the edge of your discomfort? Whilst I was still working I had a stand up desk to work at which helped and voice activated software so I could lay on the floor and dictate reports, its all about getting creative to get you comfortable and able to make it through the day. Hang in there.

**JK2234** · 03-17-2011, 11:01 AM

I dont know how anybody with back surgery could do a desk job...good luck with that...

Hope you feel better...

**krismmic** · 03-17-2011, 12:51 PM

I don't know how far along the fusion is. I had an xray 3 mos post op to check the instrumentation which was fine. The doc said it was too soon to see if I had even started to fuse. I am scheduled for a CT in April but he told me to just expect to see the beginnings of fusion at best at this point because it's so early. I started PT 2 month post op at my insistance. The surgeon said he didn't usually recommend starting so soon but that I was doing so well that he would let me try. I went 3 times a week and now just 1x a week since going back to work, but I'm still trying to do the exercises and treadmill on my own at home several times a week as well. It's hard though because I am so uncomfortable and so exhausted when I get home from work. It sounds like you are all saying that I may be just doing too much at this point? I think one of the frustrating things for me as I recover from this is not knowing what to expect or when to expect it. Everyone is so different in their healing and tolerance to pain, I know. Maybe I just need to slow down a little and cut myself some slack. It was major surgery after all!

**KBear** · 03-17-2011, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by krismmic

Maybe I just need to slow down a little and cut myself some slack. It was major surgery after all!

This exactly. You are only 5 months post op, which to people who haven't been through this, sounds like you should be healed. I sure thought I'd be better by that point to. It's depressing when you think you should be 100% and you aren't. I was on increased pain medication after surgery, until I started weaning at the 9 month point. It wasn't until I was a bit over 18 months post op that I was pain and medication free. I would highly recommend trying to do less and also get some pain medication to help you during the day. I think my wanting to wean early on made my recovery take longer. Keep your head up, you really are doing very good for 5 months out.

**Cindylou** · 03-17-2011, 09:24 PM

I would have to agree with the others. Honestly, you're biting off too much too soon, in my humble opinion, and your body is screaming at you to listen to it. This is no race to heal as fast as you can. Far from it. You are only 5 months out from a very major surgery. You are doing way better than you think or know. Adjust your expectations, slow down, be kind to your body. And by all means, listen to it. Good luck, Cindylou

**Frances144** · 03-19-2011, 01:25 PM

I am 3 months post-op and could not even begin to imagine a desk job at the moment.

If you are having to work, try to walk as much as possible in your lunch break or coffee breaks. Even if it is just a plod around the block. It will help you from seizing up and from getting stiff.

Have you got a good chair that you are sitting in? One that helps you rather than puts you in a bad position? I think that is important.

xx

**nolonger_superman** · 03-21-2011, 06:06 PM

As everyone has said, it takes a long time to heal. Me personally, today is 8 weeks since my PLIF. Incidentally, I have been med free for about 2 or 3 weeks at least with the exception of 1 or 2 doses of tylenol a week I'd guesstimate. I have a desk job as well. I'm scheduled to start back to work April 25th and I honestly have no idea how I am going to sit for 8 hours a day, so I am right there with you on that one. Thinking positively, as corny as it sounds, really does make a world of world of difference. Obviously we are all different. Hang in there as I've heard and read that a lot of people really start to turn a corner around 6 to 8 months post op.

**petrkr** · 03-21-2011, 11:51 PM

If I may, it seems like you have a decent job. Did you pay for your disability benefits at either the 40% or 60% level? My strong advice would be for you to go back to your doctor who did the surgery and or your primary physician and go back onto LTD until you feel better and can sit for the required time.

Please realize that you may be laid off while you are at work wit so much pain because you will not be able to perform at the same level as if you were pain free. If that happens you will be in a complete limbo with both, your medical and your LTD.

Because the pain creeps in over the years a lot of people learn to deal with it instead of taking the time off they need to get better. What happens when they loose their job is that they are unable to get another one since can barely make it through the interview process, sitting, much less to build credibility if they do manage to actually start a new job. Then they will definitely not have LTD if they cannot manage the new job.

Please do the right thing go back on LTD and get better with PT and rest.

**KBear** · 03-22-2011, 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by petrkr

If I may, it seems like you have a decent job. Did you pay for your disability benefits at either the 40% or 60% level? My strong advice would be for you to go back to your doctor who did the surgery and or your primary physician and go back onto LTD until you feel better and can sit for the required time.

Please realize that you may be laid off while you are at work wit so much pain because you will not be able to perform at the same level as if you were pain free. If that happens you will be in a complete limbo with both, your medical and your LTD.

Because the pain creeps in over the years a lot of people learn to deal with it instead of taking the time off they need to get better. What happens when they loose their job is that they are unable to get another one since can barely make it through the interview process, sitting, much less to build credibility if they do manage to actually start a new job. Then they will definitely not have LTD if they cannot manage the new job.

Please do the right thing go back on LTD and get better with PT and rest.

Great advice, I had never even thought about this.